**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
