My nipple is on Facebook.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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