Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
