ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
