Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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