Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
