just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Shame - the story of my life.
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