words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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