Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
