I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
