oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
whose ass print is on the piano?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
