what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
