I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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