Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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