at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
