I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
