I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
