I just pynch a tree in the face
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
