I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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