it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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