pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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