I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her vagine was all disorganized.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We are two peas in an std pod
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
