you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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