Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
