Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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