She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
