I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
