you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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