His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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