I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
