my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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