Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
