hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
