and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
