Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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