Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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