Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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