That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
