Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
