I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I will be naked everywhere
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
