i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
