dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
