So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
