Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
