you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
