I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
