This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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