i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
