I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i wish my penis had a tongue
That reminds me...we need to get swords
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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