He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
