You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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