this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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