Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
