Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
