i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
