There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
