Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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