So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
