did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
